If You Only Knew
by NearlyMellow
Summary: (YAOI FUTURE LEMON WARNING) Ikkaku Madarame and Yumichika Ayasegawa have been lifelong friends but as the decades have passed both have started feeling things they believe they shouldn't be feeling and neither are willing to admit that there is a thing there and they are now both reaching their limits. How long will it take for them to finally admit what is so obvious?
1. Ikkaku's Frustration

The bald man stood with laughter deep in his throat his entire body was scratched up and bruised and looked like he had been through ten wars and not one. This was perfect for him though the thrill of a no holds bar battle where death was possible if one wasn't on the ball and the bloodshed made the rocky grounds look like as if a massacre had occurred. Third seat of division Eleven, Ikkaku Madarame was panting heavily and the sweat rolled down his muscular body stinging the open lesions and seeping into the torn black Shihakusho that clung to his worn body like slick plastic on bare flesh. Ikkaku grinned madly as he inspected his opponent's body. His friendly rival was in a worse shape than he was which made that wicked grin even wickeder.

"What's the matter Renji…had enough?" Ikkaku chuckled breathlessly as he looked at the red haired lieutenant of division six

Someone had the brainy idea while there were no threats to the Soul Society to have a little competition pitting lieutenants and seats against each other just for some fun and maybe make some money too. It was the only form of gambling that was in the Soul Society and like most dangerous gambling that involved risking "lives" it was kept mostly hush hush so they didn't find themselves called into the Commanding Captain Shunsui Kyoraku's office about needlessly risking "lives" and then end up getting immersed in some lengthy conversation then essentially so blind drunk that they would have found comfort sleeping up a tree or on a fence somewhere.

"Shut up baldy I am nowhere done with your dumb ass" Renji replied in a just as labored breathing

Calling Ikkaku bald was a sure way to piss the third seat off in his eyes and mind he was not bald he simply had a shaved head and that was the end of the story and as much as he wanted to lose his cool over being insulted and kick the absolute crap out of the red headed pineapple looking jackass for it he knew his Captain Kenpachi Zaraki was watching and while he was sure his superior would have enjoyed the fact that Ikkaku had somehow managed to at least get Renji bleeding he was sure he wouldn't have thought highly if the reason he continued to kick the sixths lieutenant was because the dope called him bald.

Just as Ikkaku moved to raise Hōzukimaru again they were suddenly interrupted by the loud and somewhat high pitched voice of the pink haired Lieutenant of division eleven calling out to her Captain and adoptive father

"KEN-CHAN! Shun-Shun is coming!"

The moment everyone heard that they started to scatter in their directions

"GOD DAMMIT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT BALDY REMARK PINEAPPLE BOY, THIS AIN'T OVER!" Ikkaku growled in exasperation

He hated that their battle was abruptly interrupted and that everything came to a halt he could have kept going, hell they both could have kept going, neither of them even became close to releasing their Bankai and it would have been something grand to see if they had. Ikkaku quickly flash stepped to his quarters not giving Renji a chance to reply with some smartass remark.

The moment he was inside the confines of his room he took hold of Hōzukimaru again and grasped the hilt pulling from it the blood clotting ointment. He placed the weapon down on his futon and applied the liquid to the open wounds to stop them from continuously bleeding. He was still slightly short of breath as he patched up his own injuries making sure he got every last one of them before untying the white sash that held together his Shihakusho and removing the torn up garment. He instantly tossed it in the trash seeing as how the only thing it would have been good for was a dog bed and made his way into the bathroom to take a hot shower and rid himself of the crimson smears that tainted his muscular chest and abdomen. Ikkaku let out a hiss as he stepped under the heated water that pleasantly stung the wounds as it washed away the blood and dirt. He closed his eyes and let the water cascade over his shaved head, down his bruised body and seep down into the drain. Once he was sure he no longer looked like someone that was roughed up he finished off in the shower, turning off the taps and wrapping a white towel around his body and observing the damage that was done to him in the mirror. It wasn't all that bad he had taken a couple of blows from Renji's Zabimaru the sharp blade had pierced his flesh but it was nothing that wouldn't heal over in a short amount of time and hopefully at some point they could continue their match and next time Ikkaku was determined to make sure that it would NOT go interrupted. As the third seat looked in the mirror he shook his head slightly he could only imagine the look on Yumichika's face when he saw him.

Yumichika Ayasegawa was his best friend and partner in war the pretty violet haired male was narcissistic and very proud of his feminine yet well-kept appearance that he seemed to take more care in than anything else. He was someone that most found hard to swallow he was vain and he probably cared about himself more than anyone else besides Ikkaku but he was also a great warrior and deserving of being in division eleven he knew the respect that came with one on one battles, he fought like it was a matter of life and death and his loyalty was to his division and to his captain was that of a true division eleven member. Ikkaku and Yumichika were more or less inseparable and he was sure there were those that questioned their relationship but they had a bond that most others in the Soul Society didn't have and that was something that was common in the eleventh division. Deemed as animals or barbarians their captain and lieutenant had an unspeakable bond just as Ikkaku and Yumichika did.

Ikkaku moved out of the bathroom and to his closet to find a hakama to slip on to bed down for the night he wanted to get plenty of rest so that tomorrow he could approach Renji again and hopefully commence their battle even if it was somewhere else other than the Society. He pulled on the black loose pants that made up half of the Shihakusho that all Soul Reapers wore although modified for each individual Soul. He moved Hōzukimaru from the futon and rested his blade on its stand, laid down on the thin mattress and looked up at the ceiling rested his bulky arm behind his shaved head, letting out a deep sigh as he continued to gaze up at the plain white roof not thinking of anything in particular that was until he moved his eyes to the empty futon that laid only a few meters from his own and noticed a pair of yellow feathers that Yumichika wore to adorn his violet colored eyes and matching coloured hair. He wondered where his partner and best friend had been since he was usually already in bed by nightfall getting his "beauty" sleep.

Ikkaku did think that Yumichika was gorgeous not that he would ever say anything. The bald man didn't have it in him to openly admit things like someone else's attractiveness or crushes or love or anything nonsensical like that. Ikkaku was rude and bloodthirsty he lived for the battle and didn't care about much else except his squad and it's captain Zaraki…and Yumichika and he really didn't want to admit that.

Ikkaku felt like he should get up and at least move the feathers out of the way so they didn't end up getting crushed or something even though his best friend owned like a million pairs of them Yumichika treated those feathers with more respect then he would have his own children not that Yumichika would have ever had children. He sighed and rolled his eyes grunting as he got up from his position and moving to pick up the feathers he held them in his hand for a moment and brushed over them with a single finger making sure they were neat. He screwed up his face and quickly placed the delicate eye and hair decorations down on the short bedside table before going back to his futon. He had spent every day for many many decades with Yumichika he was someone that trusted above all others and he knew he could confine in him about everything but the one thing he couldn't say to Yumichika was the one thing he NEEDED to say it was hard keeping a secret from Yumichika and one like this it was more lethal to him then Renji's attacks were. He hated that he felt something towards Yumichika he wasn't supposed to be all lusty for his best friend and a MALE one at that. He could only imagine what his captain would have said if he knew the thoughts that were roaming around in Ikkaku's head or the fact that on those lonely nights where Ikkaku was horny and Yumichika was gossiping with Rangiku, despite the fact he had mentioned countless times that he disliked her he used his best friend as inspiration to achieve the blissfulness that came with having an orgasm…he wouldn't admit to that either.

As Ikkaku rolled over to face the wall he heard the door open and his eyebrow cocked when he heard the sound of bags slightly rustling clearly Yumichika and Rangiku had gone shopping AGAIN and that annoyed Ikkaku since even his wardrobe was filled with Yumichika's shocking amount of clothing that he never wore. He was a serial hoarder for all things sparkly and colorful and what the fifth seat thought was "pretty". Ikkaku laid still and pretended to be asleep as Yumichika tried to tip toe around and keeping the bags as quiet as possible which made Ikkaku's brows furrow even more before he had enough and shot up sitting and looked at his partner

"I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU YUMICHIKA! STOP SNEAKING AROUND!" Ikkaku yelled rudely

The fifth grinned and dropped the paper bags and looked at Ikkaku with an innocent but clearly guilty look. Ikkaku watched the bags drop and then looked back up at Yumichika 

"Ikkaku! I thought you were sl-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE! YOU LOOK SO UGLY!"

Yumichika shouted before moving closer to Ikkaku and becoming wide eyed. The fifth shifted his side braid tucking it behind his ear and scrutinizing Ikkaku's look further which made the third seat blush slightly

"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!"

Ikkaku yelled back and folded his arms over his chest looking off in the other direction trying to hide the sudden rush of heat that he felt in his cheeks.

Yumichika moved even closer kneeling down and squinted reaching his hand out and touching one of the still sore wounds on his right cheek. Ikkaku hissed but didn't move when Yumichika touched him in fact the slight caress made his member jump in excitement and that made him want to stab himself with his Zanpakuto and finish of Renji's job.

"What did you do to yourself? You look like you fell into a pit of blades it's so ugly"

Yumichika said looking down Ikkaku's chest then back up to this face

This time Ikkaku knocked away the hand that caressed his cheek. Yumichika's closeness and the touch of his silky smooth hand made his cock harden even more. This couldn't be happening he couldn't be getting excited over another man and he couldn't be blushing over his best friend.

"JUST GO AWAY WILL YOU AND STOP PESTERIN' ME! IT WAS A BATTLE FOR FUCK SAKES IT'S NOT LIKE I DIED OR ANYTHIN'! SO GIVE IT A REST WILL YOU AND STOP INVADIN' MY PERSONAL SPACE!"

Ikkaku said loudly slightly stammering his words because he really didn't want Yumichika to go away and he REALLY didn't want him to stop touching him but he had to try and force him to go away even if it meant hurting his feelings. He watched Yumichika pull away in silence and without saying anything he watched his friend leave the room slamming the door and even though he kept his poker face Ikkaku felt the slight sting that he had truly upset Yumichika even though he was setting out to do it. Ikkaku flopped back on the futon huffing as the pain shot through him and he sighed deeply wondering if he was too harsh but Yumichika was tough he would get over it but still….Ikkaku was in love with the guy and he upset him whether the fifth seat would admit it or not.


	2. Yumichika's Realization

Yumichika exhaled slightly as he took another sip from the small shallow bowl that was continuously being filled by the woman that he claimed to dislike but actually had quite a lot in common with. Rangiku Matsumoto was more boobs then she was brains but she was also one of the kindest fun loving souls in the society. Yumichika really couldn't be bothered analyzing the reasons why he disliked her in that moment all he cared about was drinking a few bowls of the sweet slightly throat stinging rice wine and trying to forget about Ikkaku's rudeness and slightly hurtful words. Ikkaku was rude in general and even though the bald man was occasionally rude towards Yumichika he had never been THAT rude towards him and he found his partners behavior to be very odd.

The fifth sat with the ginger haired woman with the pink scarf tied around her neck as well as Lieutenant Shuhei Hisagi who looked about as tipsy and Yumichika felt. The fifth tried to keep composed since being drunk was such an ugly thing especially when others acted like fools when intoxicated but right now this was what he needed a friendly ear and a few drinks for his words to be slightly more loose then they usually were so he could at least project some of his feelings that he felt towards Ikkaku. Yumichika watched as Rangiku and Shuhei shared a few loving yet soft kisses between them and gave each other glances that only the other would understand and even though the public displays of affection weren't exactly Yumichika's thing he still found it sort of….cute.

Once the couple finished smooching and he was poured another drink Yumichika was just about ready to go about spilling his guts even a little and even though Rangiku had a big mouth on her she along with Shuhei had so far kept everything Yumichika had ever said to them to themselves so he trusted them enough to let them know what exactly…or partly why he was so annoyed with his partner and lifelong friend.

"He's never really been THAT abrasive with me before. I know he has a temper and I know I called him ugly but he was you should have seen his face but still…he was harsh especially when I touched his cheek and it was only out of concern that I did that"

Yumichika said trying to justify himself to the couple who looked at him with attentive and sympathetic eyes. He really didn't give them much of a chance to say anything more before he was talking again.

"I know Ikkaku I have known him since we were kids and even after a battle he has never been so…unkind and grumpy. Even in the rare chance of losing a battle he has just trained to become stronger but this time he was just so loud…it was very unbeautiful of him"

Yumichika added as he flipped his violet colored hair over his shoulder and took another sip

"Well maybe he is just having a bad day? I heard he was doing a friendly battle with Renji earlier maybe he said something to Ikkaku that just I dunno pissed~him~off?"

Rangiku replied with a trivial slur and heavily annunciating the last three words.

"If Renji had said something to Ikkaku especially about his bald head Ikkaku would have kicked his backside not get all sulky and then take his frustration out on me. He isn't like that. He may be ill-tempered but he isn't a bastard"

Yumichika looked away from the couple and out off into the night sky he was so lost in that moment and even though Ikkaku's words were a bite to him he was more worried about what was going on through Ikkaku's mind in order for him to act and speak so harshly even if his friend was having a bad day or even if Renji did piss him off with some joke about Ikkaku's bald head and the way the sun or the moon beamed off of it he would have said something to Yumichika but all Ikkaku was doing was acting cold towards him and he deeply despised it since in their time together Ikkaku never acted that abrasive. Without even knowing it Yumichika found himself talking again.

"I just don't get it Ikkaku tells me everything. I know him better then I know myself. Sure he has a habit of showing his ugly sides especially when he is angry or drunk but underneath it all he is understanding and kind and even if I dare say almost loving in the way he is towards me. Like I am the only thing he really cares about…"

Yumichika paused when he could feel two sets of eyes looking at him. He turned his head to face the lovebirds canoodling together as lovers so usually did. He had hoped his words had gone unnoticed but with the way they were looking at him he could bet that they had been loud and clear as if they were being shouted.

"What?"

He questioned with a slight shrug in his shoulders and he looked at Rangiku and Shuhei's smiles like he had said something that was just so utterly adorable that the word "Awww" wouldn't have quite covered it and all that could be done was those smiles of "that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard".

"Silly Yu~mi~chi~ka!"

Rangiku leaned forward and bobbed the fifth seat on the nose with her finger and giggled, leaning back again. Yumichika just looked at the woman in confusion

"You are all Ikkaku cares about. He only cares about the Eleventh squad and its members but more than ANYTHING he cares about you the most why else would he have stayed by your side all these years. You are so full of yourself and you know he is the only one that can handle you….you should be honest with your feelings and stop being a BIG~BA~BY"

Rangiku giggled again and went back to sucking face with Shuhei. The woman was right even though Yumichika hated to admit it even silently. Ikkaku was the only one that could tolerate him completely. He never said boo about the fifths narcissistic tendencies he very really complained about the hundreds of hair products in their bathroom and it was Ikkaku's idea that they shared a room together rather than living alone.

"You're right. He does care about me"

Yumichika muttered to himself as he stood from the table. He was tipsy enough to let his bravery shine but not drunk enough that he would look ugly doing it. He had to firstly get Ikkaku to talk to him about what was going on with him and then secondly try and let his friend know in the best way possible that he cared for him just as deeply.

He didn't wait for any response he left straight away heading back to their quarters where hopefully Ikkaku would be awake and be willing to talk about what had crawled up his ass and pissed him off to the point where he even snapped at Yumichika. He quietly opened the door and stepped into the room. He closed the door just as silently and tip toed towards Ikkaku. He looked over to the resting man he was still and quiet and it seemed that Ikkaku was sleeping he let out a very soft sigh it would have to wait until the morning.

Yumichika admitted his defeat and quietly pushed off his sandals and placed them neatly beside his futon then slipped onto the thin mattress. His violet eyes travelled over to Ikkaku and looked at him, given it was only the back of Ikkaku's head but nevertheless he found himself staring at him trying to play out the conversation he would have with his friend in his head. It really could go anyway with Ikkaku. Yumichika could end up saying the wrong thing he could end up scaring his partner and effectively ruining their relationship as friends and he really didn't want that. He was torn between confessing his hidden feelings and keeping his mouth shut to make sure their relationship remained intact. It was hard for Yumichika he had never felt this kind of thing for anyone and defiantly not another man it was confusing but Ikkaku wasn't just some guy he was his childhood friend who he shared everything with they were so close and it was somewhat unnerving that he could potentially mess up the bond that they had together.

"Ikkaku?"

Yumichika called out firstly in a soft voice as he continued to look at Ikkaku waiting to see if he was really asleep or just pretending trying to avoid the awkwardness that may be between them after their very brief and somewhat ridiculous tiff. When Ikkaku didn't respond Yumichika rolled onto his back and sighed once more. Maybe this was a sign that he should keep his mouth shut and just keep pretending like he didn't feel anything, holding back his feelings had he done for so long. There was no one that could ever exist that Yumichika would ever love and admire more Ikkaku meant the world to him he was his everything and the fifth seat would have hated if he did anything to ruin it.

"Never mind"

Yumichika quietly mumbled to himself before removing the yellow feathers from his eyes and his hair and resting them on the bedside table. He closed his eyes and began to fall asleep knowing the only time he would ever feel the type of closeness he wanted with Ikkaku would be in his dreams.


	3. Do You Think Ya Lucky Punk? Well Do Ya?

Ikkaku groaned and shifted slowly as the morning sun beamed into the room through the thin coverings over the large window on the third seats side. The halo of yellow streamed in and hit him right in the eyes which he continued to squint but before he could silently complain about the light the very first thought he had was of Yumichika. He instantly sat up and looked to the other side of the rather smallish room and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his friend had come back to their quarters and was asleep on his own futon. He was sure that Yumichika wouldn't stay mad for long especially not at him and the fact he was there in their room made Ikkaku smile for a moment knowing it was water under the bridge and yet he still felt the need to somehow make it up to the pretty male.

Ikkaku knew that his small blowup had nothing to do with that idiot Renji and the only reason why he had a brief fit of aggravation was because of the frustration of feeling aroused by Yumichika and having no idea what to do about it and not knowing whether it was a good or bad thing that the one person he wanted but couldn't have had made his lust stir knowing nothing would ever happen between them.

Ikkaku continued to look at Yumichika and his sleeping form. His friend was facing him and even in his sleep he looked beautiful especially with the sun streaming in and illuminating the flawless almost china like flesh. The fifth seat had removed his yellow feathers and his whole look just seemed so pure and almost angelic in a weird way. Ikkaku felt that arousal boil again and the urge to just go over to Yumichika and wake him before pressing his lips to the others was high. He supposed he could do it and if there was an adverse reaction he could blame it on sleep walking or something. Ikkaku's idea of surprising Yumichika in such a embracing way quickly left his mind when he felt he needed to get up and leave before Yumichika woke up he really didn't want to get his ass chewed for the way he acted the night before and he REALLY didn't want to have to explain the real reason why he was such an asshole towards him. With that in mind Ikkaku quietly got up and as quickly as possible he dressed himself in an unworn Shihakusho from the closet that was taken up mostly with Yumichika's clothing as swiftly as possible before slipping out the room and closing the door behind him. He was off to find Renji but not for the same reason he had planned out yesterday Ikkaku had decided that he needed to say something to someone and Renji was the closest thing he had to a friend other than Yumichika otherwise he feared his head may very well explode.

Ikkaku made his way towards the division six barracks and pounded on the door to the red heads quarters

"OI! ABARAI! GET YOUR DUMB ASS UP!" Ikkaku said loudly

He wouldn't have been so loud if Captain Byakuya Kuchiki was there but the snobby noble resided in his mansion that was a good distance from the barracks. Ikkaku knocked again louder forcing the tattooed lieutenant up and out of bed.

Ikkaku almost cried with laughter when he saw Renji open the door. His long hair was in a mess and all puffed up, he had dark circles around his eyes and even had dried drool on the corner of his mouth

"What…..the…..fuck….DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!? IT'S FUCKING DAWN! WHAT THA HELL DO YOU WANT!"

Renji yelled loudly as he glared at Ikkaku. The bald man wiped away his tears and tried to stop laughing long enough to speak. He gasped a few times and grinned like a mad man.

"Get dressed I need your help"

He didn't want to ask for Renji's help hell he would have rather battled the guy again then have some deep and meaningful conversation he wouldn't have cared if he was left in a bloody state as long as Renji was in just as bad condition as he was.

"Gahhhhh it's too fucking early to be kicking your ass Ikkaku fuck off and come back later"

"HEY! DIPSHIT! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOZUKIMARU WITH ME?! AND YOU KNOW I TAKE HIM EVERYWHERE!"

Ikkaku growled and scowled at Renji waiting for the idiot to wake up and see that he did in fact leave his weapon back in his room which was HIGHLY unlike the barbaric man who NEVER went anywhere without Hōzukimaru.

He watched Renji look down and then back up again

"Ehh…come on in lemme get dressed and then you can explain why you needed to wake me up"

Renji stepped aside and walked back towards his bedroom leaving the door open for Ikkaku. The third seat waked into the barracks and closed the door behind him. He looked around the room and shook his head at how clean the room was but with Byakuya Kuchiki as his superior he really wasn't all that shocked that Renji would do whatever he could to impress his dear Captain that he admired so greatly.

Ikkaku moved over to small table and sat down on one of the cushions that rested on the floor waiting for Renji to get dressed and fix the mass of messy red hair. He felt like he was waiting forever before the lieutenant returned looking less stupid and more awake.

"Alright I'm listening what is so damn important?"

Renji sat down on the other cushion and just looked at Ikkaku. The bald man didn't even know where to begin what the hell was he supposed to say "I think I am in love with my best friend?" he shook his head probably making him looking like a lunatic. He wasn't expecting Renji to understand but he did know that he would keep his mouth shut and this had been eating Ikkaku up for too long and this was probably the only chance he was going to get to say what he needed to say and at least try and get it off his chest.

"I'm trustin' you to keep your mouth shut and believe me I wouldn't be here talkin' to you about this if I had someone else to talk to but I don't so I need you to be cool and not be a total ass about what I am goin' to say to you…got it?"

He saw the confused look in Renji's red-brown eyes then a slight nod

"Alright but what about Yumichika? You can't talk to him about whatever is making you all weird?"

"NO I CAN'T ALRIGHT! IT'S ABOUT YUMICHIKA IT'S NOT GOING TO DO ME ANY GOOD TALKIN' TO YUMICHIKA ABOUT YUMICHIKA NOW IS IT?"

Ikkaku was already losing his patience but he needed to remain calm this was truly the only person he had to talk to and he had to keep his cool if he wanted to achieve some sort of resolve.

"Look….you have no idea what this shit is doin' to me it's messin' me up and if I don't say somethin'….well shit….I dunno what I am gonna to do so just hear me out"

Ikkaku added calming down and hoping Renji was going to be kind enough to at least hear his problem and not make a big deal out of the fact that the Ikkaku Madarame, the battle loving bloodthirsty third seat of division eleven was in love with another man.

"Well spill I don't have all day"

Ikkaku sighed and gave Renji a very seriously look to show the other that he wasn't kidding with what he was about to admit, that he was very genuine and it was not something he wanted Renji making a joke out of either

"I think I am in love with Yumichika"

Ikkaku found himself blurting out. He didn't even take another second to think it just came out like vomit and there was no way to take back or add on to what he said to make it appear like he had said something else but the moment those words left his mouth Ikkaku was breathing a sigh of relief. It felt so good to say it no matter how crazy it seemed or sounded it was just such a weight lifted he didn't even care how Renji was going to react anymore.

"That's it? That's this urgent matter you needed to see me about? Well fuck, I could have told you that Ikkaku just as I can tell you that he is in love with you too"

The red head slightly chuckled and shook his head. Ikkaku was a little taken aback by Renji's response. There was no smart ass comment about them both being men, there wasn't even a question of why on the lieutenants face.

"You don't think it's weird that we are both guys?"

"Psshh no….do you know how many men I have slept with in the past? I would be a hypocrite to say anything. Besides you have known each other forever you live like husband and wife just without whole marriage thingy"

Ikkaku wasn't really sure how to take that. Sure they had a bond and they literally didn't go anywhere without each other and Yumichika did take up their closet space with clothes and he left all his somewhat girly hair care products in the bathroom…as he thought about it perhaps it was true they did kind of live like husband and wife and they weren't having sex and from what Ikkaku knew that was the norm for married couples.

"Wait…what? You have slept with other guys?"

He asked finally dawning on the fact that Renji said about his sexual adventures

"Yeah but keep that on the down low right? I don't need Byakuya up my ass questioning me….although I wouldn't mind being up that guys ass for once"

Ikkaku grinned as Renji chuckled at the last statement

"So….what do you think I should do then? Should I just put it out there and hope that he feels the same why or do I just say fuck it and try to forget that I feel something for him and go about like we always do?"

Ikkaku genuinely wanted the advice even better he would have appreciated Renji just telling him how it is and what he should do so he didn't have to play the cat and mouse game in his mind any longer

"Wellll that's really your call. You can pretend that there is nothing and eventually drive yourself insane…r or you can grow a pair and just tell him how you feel and finally test just how lucky you are….the choice is all yours Ikkaku"


	4. I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

Yumichika enjoyed the warmth on his face but turned away from the sunlight in fear of getting wrinkles. He didn't check to see if Ikkaku was still in the room he was sure that his friend would have fled the moment he could just to avoid that awkwardness that the previous night would have created. It was awful and Yumichika just wished it had never happened so things would just be good between them again. He wasn't even mad at Ikkaku anymore and if the third seat stayed long enough instead of slinking off he would know that.

Yumichika slowly pulled himself up and looked to the other side of the room and just as expected Ikkaku was not on his futon but what did surprise Yumichika was the fact that Ikkaku had left Hozukimaru on its stand. Ikkaku never went anywhere without some form of sword so perhaps he hadn't slinked off very far after all.

Yumichika remained hopeful as he pulled himself up off the futon and made his way into the bathroom to shower and spend the next hour perfecting his hairstyle. He closed the door most of the way leaving it slightly ajar so that the steam could escape once the hot tap was turned on. He removed the kimono that he wore and turned on both taps before slipping under the cascade of warmth. He let out a deep moan as the water rushed over his body feeling it wash away any dirt he may have collected after sitting outside with the lovebirds the night before. Yumichika's hands trailed over his slick naked body and as he washed himself he could only think about Ikkaku. Normally Yumichika didn't masturbate at all he found it so unpretty at point of orgasm so he tried to avoid releasing and instead pushed back the urges but today…today was different. The more he thought about Ikkaku the harder that he got and he just needed to release.

He moaned as his delicate hand traced over his lean and toned form. He brushed over his chest, abdomen and thighs in gentle and loving strokes as he breathed and found his eyes closing. Yumichika wondered what it would be like if those hands were Ikkaku's and what it would feel like to have his friend touching and stroking him making him feel the heat and tingles that was circulating his body in that moment. What it would be like to finally after all these years have the man he loved touch him in ways that no other being, neither man or woman had touched him before the whole idea made him shudder and he found himself resting up against the wet wall moaning gently as his fingers wrapped around his engorged and pulsing length.

Yumichika continued to tenderly stroke himself beneath the water each movement of his hand he imagined was Ikkaku's and it aroused him even further and he stroked his rigid shaft firmer.

"Ik—kaku"

Yumichika moaned in a soft voice as he pumped his hand back and forth bringing himself closer and closer to that ugly but glorious orgasm. His fingers strummed his rock hard length swiftly and he teased the fleshy head between his thumb and forefinger. God how wanted it be Ikkaku but how could he ever say the words knowing that his best friend would never think of something like love and with another male at that it was a silly hope that Yumichika held onto for reasons he didn't even know and the thought had actually caused his eyes to swell.

Normally he would have never cried not with the faces that often got pulled in the moment of weeping but there beneath the water he released hold of his thick length and placed his hands to his face. Yumichika's back glided over the wet tiled wall as he slumped against it and found the floor with his backside. He was a tough cookie but he just couldn't take it anymore. Every time he saw Ikkaku his heart pounded and when his friend spoke no matter what the words it made it pound even more. Ikkaku was what Yumichika wanted and after everything they had been through together, every secret that they knew about each other, every battle they fought, every laugh and every time they were there to catch the other when they needed it Yumichika couldn't take it anymore. He was going to have to tell Ikkaku how he felt if for no other reason than to say the secret that had been haunting him and taunting him and if Ikkaku hated him for it then he was not the man Yumichika thought he was.

He waited until his cock softened and he turned off the taps. It was the first time in many many years that Yumichika got dressed in under ten minutes he didn't even care about the yellow feathers he didn't even care how his hair looked he just wanted to find Ikkaku no not just wanted he NEEDED to find Ikkaku and he really couldn't hold back anymore Ikkaku was going to know once and for all just what Yumichika felt for him and he was going to know everything. If Ikkaku chose to walk out of Yumichika's life for it then he would just have to find a way to deal with it but if Yumichika knew Ikkaku like he thought he did then if Ikkaku hated it he would simply pretend he never heard it then go kill something.

Yumichika moved quickly through the barracks he had no idea where Ikkaku would even be. He didn't drink until nightfall and he didn't particularly have what one would call friends they were more acquaintances than anything else. Yumichika continued to run that was how urgent this was for him he didn't care about how ugly he looked or the sweat that would probably form and he didn't even care when he found himself bumping into someone.

Yumichika looked up to see the ninth division captain Kensei Muguruma standing there like a solid brick wall with his eyebrow cocked. Yumichika didn't find the guy intimidating at all but he had to apologize for at least running into him

"My apologies Captain Muguruma won't happen again…sorry!"

Yumichika slightly bowed to the other man

"You tell that little shit Ikkaku if he wakes me up again by pounding on the damn division six door I WILL CRUSH HIM INTO PIECES GOT IT! PRETTY BOY?"

"Division six"

Yumichika murmured to himself he didn't even answer Kensei as he broke out into a run again. It must have meant that Ikkaku had gone to see Renji and since Hozukimaru was left behind he was sure it had nothing to do with a battle.

Yumichika continued his speedy race then suddenly came to a halt. He looked up slightly panting as he saw Ikakku come out of Renji's quarters and watched as the men shook hands. Yumichika's heart was pounding and it wasn't from the run he swallowed the nervousness that balled in his throat this was it this was going to be the moment that determined the rest of his existence and whether it would include Ikkaku in it or not. Before Yumichika could even move he saw that Ikkaku had spotted him and it almost paralyzed him it was like staring at the past. Ikkaku was always there and he hoped that he would still be there after such a ballsie confession.

Yumichika watched as Ikkaku started to approach him but it wasn't just any kind of approach he was swift in his movements almost like running but the look on his face was that of a smile. Perhaps Ikkaku was ready to apologize to him. He just stood there almost frozen as Ikkaku continued to walk up to him and before he knew Ikkaku's arms were resting on his waist his forehead was pressed against his own and he was wrapped in the warmth that exuded from the bald man's body. Yumichika moved his hands up to Ikkaku's chest and laid them palm down against the flesh.

He didn't know if he was dreaming he didn't know if he was still really in the shower hallucinating the whole thing but it felt real everything about it felt so real and so good. Yumichika lightly sniffled as they stayed there embracing one another where anyone and everyone could see them and Yumichika didn't care he didn't care who might have caught them canoodling together because this was something so long overdue that it had almost bought Yumichika to the point of insanity.

"Tell me you love me and I will promise to make you happy. Tell me that this is wrong and you don't want it and I will leave give me an answer Yumichika….Do you love me?"

Yumichika heard the man say in a soft and deep voice and it was with those words that Yumichika realized that this was not a dream that this was all very real. Ikkaku's hands on him, Ikkaku's almost kind words and just the closeness they had now was all as real as anything else existing was.

"I do love you. I have loved you for so long"

Yumichika replied moving his hands from Ikkaku's chest to his cheeks and he cupped them delicately before pressing his lips to his friends and kissing him like they had been lovers for centuries. He felt Ikkaku lift him into his arms and his legs instantly wrapped around the others body encasing him tightly and in the background the sound of whistling that came from the red haired Lieutenant

"About time! WOOO"

Both Yumichika and Ikkaku smiled against the kiss they shared. Yumichika slowly pulled his lips away and he looked into Ikkaku's eyes.

"Is this why you were so mad?"

He asked the other and he watched Ikkaku nod

"I didn't know how to tell you that you are my everythin'…I didn't mean to yell at you Yumi' I was just frustrated but I am not gonna be like that anymore cause now I can tell you….I fuckin' love you and I don't giva damn who knows it"

Yumichika's heart slammed even harder in his chest and he really didn't think anything would ever compare to sharing that very first kiss with the man he loved unconditionally.


	5. The Beginning Of Something Beautiful

There was no time for any more words as Ikkaku carried Yumichika in his arms. The violet haired males legs were wrapped around his waist firmly holding their bodies close together and their lips seemingly surged in a never ending embrace. Ikkaku wouldn't have even been able to explain what a relief that he felt after all these years together finally they were both brave enough to actually be TOGETHER.

Ikkaku's hands roamed Yumichika's back gripping and pulling at the black fabric hoping to find a fault in the stitching or something that could have him easily stripping the smaller Shinigami of his uniform. Yumichika felt so hot in his arms in fact both their bodies were burning with a lustful desire that was unparalleled to anything that burned before. Ikkaku moved over to his futon with their lips still colliding and hands trying to remove the bounding and hindering garments from one another bodies. The third seat rested his lover into the thin mattress and felt Yumichika's legs unwrap from the hold and once able to Ikkaku rested between the fifth seat's legs, the only legs he wanted to be in between. He pulled away from the heated and passionate kiss as a string of saliva bridged between their open and panting mouths and just for a moment he looked down at Yumichika not in such pristine condition. The violet strands were in a mess, he wasn't decorated with the canary colored feathers and his uniform was a disheveled mess and in that moment Ikkaku thought that Yumichika had never looked so damn beautiful.

He gave his lover a gentle smile as he observed the pink dusted cheeks and the look of pleasure in the purple eyes that had captured him from the moment they had met there was not even a single word that told Ikkaku that this was wrong and he wondered what the hell he was so worried about Yumichika wasn't just a man he was THE man the only man Ikkaku would ever want to be with and the only one he would ever be with and hopefully learn to show that he loved.

Ikkaku felt Yumichika's hands cup his warmed cheeks again as they looked at one another even though lust burned within them both this was not a moment for uncontrollable animistic urges and just wanting to fuck another being until both parties were completely satisfied no…this was not about fucking and lust this was about something more.

"Tell me again"

Ikkaku heard the soft words escape Yumichika. It was slightly wanting in needing to hear the bald man's otherwise unspoken feelings and normally Ikkaku would have replied with some smartass remark but he had said he would make Yumichika happy and if his lover wanted to hear him confess once again then that is what Ikkaku would do. It was after all most likely going to be a rare occurrence that those particular words slipped from his mouth so gave Yumichika what he wanted

"I love you Yumi"

Ikkaku said with every bit of his thrashing heart laced into those four little words that made Yumichika blush even darker then he was. Ikkaku could only imagine Yumichika's normal reaction to flushing over something that they once upon a time would have considered such silly words but in that moment they were not their usual selves what they were, were two souls completely stripped of walls, poker faces and they were just them naked personalities and appearances not shadowing secrets or unspoken desires it was just…bare.

Ikkaku felt Yumichika lean up into him and press his lips against the others once more this time the kiss was tender and loving. Ikkaku felt the soft lips pursing delicately against his own as he raised his hands to the white obi and began to loosen the knot that held his lovers Shihakusho closed he wanted to see the body beneath the fabric, he wanted to taste every inch of the milky flesh that seemed to be even softer then silk and he wanted to explore every limb, every joint every muscle with his hands and lips this was a craving that he now was no longer going to deny himself of.

Ikkaku quickly worked the knot in the sash and draped it aside. He disconnected the kiss and took a breath. He had seen Yumichika naked before but it was mostly quick glances and this was not the same situation he was really going to be looking at Yumichika for the first time. The bald man slowly pushed away the sides of the Shihakusho slowly revealing the bare flesh of the toned chest beneath him. When he looked down he felt a sharp gasp escape him Yumichika's flesh even tainted with pink was sublime.

"…Holy fuck Yumi'"

Ikkaku said in a quiet whisper as his hand found Yumichika's sternum and unhurriedly he danced his fingers down caressing every inch that he could it really did feel like silk. Ikkaku leaned into his lover and scattered slow and soft kisses down his chest inching closer and closer towards the waist band of the black hakama. Ikkaku fingered the band and then took hold of it when he looked back at Yumichika and waited for him to let him know, even if it was silently, that it was ok to continue. He watched Yumichika nod his head and on that Ikkaku started to pull down on the loose fabric. The third seat slowly pulled down on the hakama and moved back so that he could pull the garment completely free from Yumichika's legs. Another sharp gasp left Ikkaku when he observed his lovers length that was almost completely erect. The only cock that Ikkaku had ever touched was his own but there wasn't any nerves there he knew how to handle his own so he was sure handling Yumichika was going to be no different. Ikkaku continued to look into the violet haired males eyes and gradually wrapped his fingers around Yumichika's length and slowly started to stroke.

It made is palm tingle as touched his best friend in a way they had never touched or either imagined they ever would. He saw and felt that he was doing the right thing and that Yumichika was thoroughly enjoying what he was doing so he continued his actions until he felt his lover in his fully erect state in his hand. Ikkaku's eyes stayed focused on his hand and the swollen member that he encased in it. He licked over his lips and looked back up into Yumichika's eyes

"No more messing around Ikkaku….I want you"

He was a little surprised by the others words he thought that this was what Yumichika wanted but apparently the lust he felt for his best friend was reciprocated. Ikkaku released the grip on Yumi's cock and braced his hands either side of the fifths head and hovered over him. Ikkaku grinned down at Yumichika for a moment before leaning back on his shins and tearing the Shihakusho from his own body revealing the muscular form and the swollen length that pulsed with the wanton desire he felt for Yumichika.

"I want you on your knees Yumi"

Ikkaku said and waited watching Yumichika turn around and rest up on his knees. Ikkaku looked over Yumichika's back then down to his slender and firm backside. He reached out and cupped one of the cheeks in his hand and squeezed firmly then taking the other and this time as he squeezed he separated the cheeks and reveled the soft pink entrance that as far as he knew had never been penetrated and he believed he did know since he was with Yumichika all day every day except when the beauty was with Rangiku and he doubted very much Rangiku had the required equipment to fuck his best friend.

He heard Yumichika moan as he fondled the firm muscles in his hands lightly massaging them with his large hands the more Ikkaku watched his hands and the way Yumichika reacted to being touched in that manner the more he wanted to be inside of him.

Ikkaku moved his right hand up to Yumichika's back and lightly pressed into the spine edging his lover forward so his chest met the mattress which instantly opened the fifth up marginally. Ikkaku looked over Yumichika's back and to his backside as he slid his hand over the beautiful canvas and raised his fingers to his mouth then proceeded to suck the two digits that he placed inside. He swirled his tongue over his fingers drenching them in his sticky and moist saliva. This was new territory for him but he understood that he would need to prepare his lover what he assumed was going to a rather painful experience for Yumichika he wanted to make sure that it hurt as less as possible because all he wanted for his best friend was pleasure.

Ikkaku removed his slick fingers from his mouth a drop of saliva rolled down his digits and dripped onto the futon beneath them both. He guided his moist fingers to the virgin hole and brushed over the entrance which was instantaneously met by another moan from Yumichika. He slowly began to push one of his fingers into his lover and he felt like he was going to release right there and then just from feeling the warmth and tightness of Yumichika's muscles squeezing his digit forcefully. When there was no sound of pain coming from the fifth Ikkaku slowly began to thrust his finger in and out stretching him only faintly. Yumichika moaned even louder and Ikkaku felt his cock twitch to that sweet lustful sound that he had only ever dreamed about

Ikkaku watched as Yumichika's legs separated more opening him up even further and when he felt the stretching had exceeded the single finger he added the second one this time it cause another moan to escape the fifth seat but this time he was sure he heard a faint twinge of pain.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Ikkaku asked in concern and his question was met with the shake of a head

"I am not fragile Ikkaku, you know that ,give it all to me you know I can handle it"


	6. Ask And You Shall Receive

Yumichika writhed and moaned as he felt Ikkaku's fingers penetrate him. He felt a pleasure and pain rush up and down his back the more Ikkaku stretched him the more he pushed back on his lovers fingers trying to get more of that sensation of being filled with him. Yumichika fisted the blankets that covered the futon, he gripped them firmly between his fingers and moaned even louder letting Ikkaku know that it felt good and that he was ready for more.

He was just about to say something to his friend when he felt another finger added and this time it was more painful but Yumichika refused to let that pain stop him from enjoying himself he was not concerned with how he looked he just wanted to feel that closeness with the third seat that came with sex. He panted loud and hard the pleasure and pain was so completely thrilling and the digits that continued to open his pulsing hole. Yumichika could feel Ikkaku's fingers scissoring and twisted inside of him.

Even though it felt good and the fact it was a new sensation was making him tingle right to the bone he needed that bit more, he needed to feel his lovers cock, he needed to feel Ikkaku inside of him, that skin on skin contact.

"Ik—Ikkaku stop messing around"

Yumichika whined in eagerness he couldn't take it anymore. He had enough of denying himself he had done it for so long that he hardly saw any reason why he should continue to do so. He had Ikkaku now he had heard his friend tell him he love him and in his kiss he felt that the third seat did very much love him so Yumichika wanted to now get what he desired. Ikkaku, completely.

Yumichika heard a soft chuckle come from the bald man then felt the removal of the fingers. Yumichika moaned and groaned again as the digits were slowly pulled from him. He turned his head and looked over his shoulder at Ikkaku. He eyed him with hungry violet iris Yumichika's cheeks were heavily dusted with pink and Ikkaku looked back at him as their eyes stayed connected Yumichika felt another new sensation yet again as Ikkaku's length pierced the slightly opened hole and then moved at a sluggish pace inside of him. Yumichika trembled as if he was vibrating as his friend's solid length brushed his inner walls the friction made the penetration more difficult but it didn't take away from the painful pleasure that struck him like a lightning bolt. He heard Ikkaku let out a long and gruff groan as Yumichika took Ikkaku in completely. He felt his friend's full length inside him and Ikkaku wasn't moving. The violet haired male opened his mouth to complain once more but the second he did he felt Ikkaku's hand on his hips and started to pull out, slowly inch by inch then pushed back in again.

Yumichika turned his head back around and let out another pleasured groan as Ikkaku started to move a little faster he could feel everything. Every inch, every thrust and he could hear every sound of pleasure Ikkaku let out as he pulled back and forth on the fifths hips. Yumichika's lustful and pleasure cries filled the room and echoed against the walls and the distinct aroma of sweat began to rush up his nose. It was not the most pleasant smell but in that moment Yumichika couldn't care a less what he smelled like this was everything he had ever wanted.

He could feel one of the strong hands leave his hip and wrap around his taut and throbbing member it caused him to moan even louder as Ikkaku stroked over the weeping length in time with the rocking of the others hips. Yumichika pushed back against Ikkaku as his lover thrusted in. The motions became faster and the heat in the room rose he could feel his entire body heating and shaking in the joyous carnality that didn't compare.

With every passing second Yumichika was drawing closer and closer to achieving his orgasm Ikkaku felt amazing. He could feel the sudden heat of Ikkaku's body against his back when his lover leaned into him, pressing his chest against the fifth's spine. A rush of heated air fell over his ear as Ikkaku breathed against him, it traveled over his ear and down his neck and then he heard the words that had pushed him to his breaking point.

"Cum for me Yumichika"

Yumichika bit into his bottom lip feeling Ikkaku's fisting on his cock reach a climatic speed as well as the thrusting inside of his backside. Yumichika gasped and groaned as his balls tightened and rose upwards and his length completely stiff and dripping in the slick pre-cum. He couldn't take anymore he wanted to last and exude that determination that came with belonging to the eleventh division but his limits had been exercised. He let out another loud moan before he felt that release of cum shoot from his solid erection decorating not only Ikkaku's hand but also the sheet beneath him. Yumichika's voice was shaking while he panted releasing the last of the jets of warm white liquid. Without warning as he finished his orgasm he heard Ikkaku groan again against his ear and the movements halt. Feeling Ikkaku released inside of him was indescribable the heat, the sensation of being filled with his lovers seed was just as pleasurable as the act that bought on that reaction.

Once he could feel Ikkaku's length had stopped twitching inside of him he felt his friend pull out from inside of him and then rested on the soiled thin mattress. Yumichika was going to hate the feeling of the stickiness but when Ikkaku pulled him down with him and held the fifths still trembling body he really didn't have it in him to complain at that moment especially when he felt so damn good.

Yumichika cringed slightly feeling the wet stickiness beneath him and lightly trickling from his used entrance. He squirmed at the uncomfortability of the warm slick moisture of both the cum and the sweat. He looked to Ikkaku who was laying there with closed eyes

"YOU BETTER NOT BE SLEEPNG!"

Yumichika yelled and punched Ikkaku in the chest and he watched the other smile and then nuzzle into the side of his neck

"We just had sex for the first time and all you can think about is how you look and smell?"

Yumichika rolled his eyes just because he didn't care about it while it was happening didn't mean he didn't care about it now.

"I'm having a shower…you can lay here in the filth"

Yumichika pulled himself up and cringed again looking at the drying cum on his stomach and tangled in the small amount of violet colored strands of pubic hair. He shook in disgust and started to move into the bathroom to clean up. Once alone he smiled and once again took his bottom lip into his mouth he really did feel good despite the mess.


	7. The Luckiest Shinigami

As night fell Ikkaku was grinning as he laid on Yumichika's futon with his arm wrapped around his sleeping lover. He really was a lucky man and if he weren't laying down he would have done his lucky dance. Ikkaku was breathing in the scent of Yumichika's now clean hair and body and once the fifth had finished complaining about the stickiness and the smell he had complimented Ikkaku on his performance which was such a great ego boost.

He never imagined that he would ever feel something like love towards anyone. He knew he lusted for Yumichika and he was certainly attracted to the other but he knew that there was more to it. When he said he loved Yumichika he meant it and even though he knew he would very rarely say it Ikkaku was sure his best friend knew how he felt. After all he was laying there cuddling him like they were true loving partners.

Ikkaku let out a deep sigh and he pressed his lips to Yumichika's forehead kissing him lightly

"You're gonna wanna kill me one day when you find out just how long I have wanted you but….death by Yumichika might not be all that bad"

Ikkaku said quietly knowing the other didn't hear him. He closed his eyes as he embraced his lover and smiled knowing that from here on out Ikkaku was truly the luckiest Shinigami to exist.


End file.
